Monday, July 9, 2018

Chronicles of a Single Woman: This is 37

I remember a few years ago having a conversation with a young lady that was around the age of 27. We were talking about marriage and dating. She expressed her desire to find a man, her journey of waiting on God, staying busy, and rolling in her lane. She then proceeded to say, "because I don't want to be 35 and still without a husband." There was a slight pause as I laughed and replied, “If you do find yourself in that situation, you will be okay.” I then told her my age and my story. She immediately began to apologize. I explained to her how I felt the same way at her age. I could recall telling God-

I CANNOT be 35 and still without a husband. Don't you know that at 35 the statistics say it is difficult to have a baby, it is proven to be more complicated for the child? God, don't you want me to have a healthy baby?

Okay, so I was a tad dramatic and a little manipulative with God. Who tries to manipulate God?? Anyway, I assured this beautiful young woman that her comment did not offend me because I could seriously relate. When I was younger, I just knew that by the age of 28 I would be married with a few kids as I mentioned in my very first post. However, I’ve realized that life rarely goes the way I plan. Plus, I did not know Jesus... and I was a hot mess. God needed me to wait a little longer.  I just pray that on that day my conversation encouraged her. Or... it could have scared her more...Oh my gosh she is that old and still no man...hehehehehe  

I speak often to women in their 20s and 30s that are so anxious about not being married and I always chuckle to myself because I can so relate to that feeling. But, I’ve learned the single life is not a disease, a punishment, or a death sentence. It is simply...another season.

In June I had a birthday, I am now 37, and still single...gasp! I'm not dating anyone, there is no one on the radar, nothing.  Crickets-silence, you get the point, right? This often leads people to ask, Why are you still single?- Why aren't you dating anyone? Have you thought about dating online? You have to put yourself out there. Just for future reference, please do not ask a single woman why she is still single. It is sometimes a question that cannot be answered for obvious reasons- we don’t know. Then there is the other extreme: Girl you don't even want to be worried about a man. Enjoy your life. Do you. Date yourself. Never get married. Just have a baby by yourself...Thank you, but no thank you on all of this advice. 

Can there please be a happy middle? Yes, I do want to marry one day. But I’m also enjoying my current season. I am amazed by how God gives me grace for all that He puts on my plate. He is using this time to draw me closer to Him, to serve others, to love well, and live my life by His Power and not by my own desires. I am excited each morning I wake up to see what new things He will show me and the new people He will place on my path. I am excited to spend evenings learning and growing in Him. I have uninterrupted time to explore what He has for me and depend on God like no other. Does this mean that I've given up hope on marriage? Absolutely not!! Does this mean every day is easy...ohhhhh noooo. Trust and believe I have my tantrums with God. But ultimately, I trust in God with all my heart and I lean not on my own understanding{Proverbs 3:5}. If I am not married at this time, I'm doing all that He is asking me to do and living my life to the fullest, I have to believe that there is a reason that surpasses my understanding of why I am not married. 

When we delight in God, He gives us the desires of our heart {Psalm 37:4}. Which means that as we spend time with Him He begins to change {give} the desires of our heart to match His desires for us. This is why there is a bold promise found in John 15, ask anything in the name of Jesus, and it will be granted {John 15:16}. When we abide in Him and He in us, He can give us this promise because He knows we will be asking in accordance to His will for us. If marriage is not in the cards for me, I have no doubt that He will give me the grace to move forward and change my desire. But as for now, I will keep on believing Him for the strong desire that is in my heart. 

Again, I have to repeat, being single is not bad or contagious {had to say it}'s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay according to Apostle Paul as he tries to lend some encouragement to the single peeps. He says that it's better to stay unmarried {I rebuke this Paul...hehehehehe}but if you can't control yourself it's better to get married then to burn with lust {1 Corinthians 7:8-9}. I would be among the group that is unable to control yeah, it’s better for me to be married 😜. He then goes on to say that a woman who is not married can spend her time being fully devoted to the Lord and holy in body and spirit.

I want to encourage you, yes you, my beautiful {or handsome} single to enjoy every moment of this season.  Spend this time being devoted to the Lord. Do the Lord's work and think about how to please Him {1 Corinthians 7:32}. That is our call, in this AWESOME season. Stay devoted to God and allow Him to do and complete a work in YOU! I’s so much easier said than done. BELIEVE ME I KNOW {yes I am yelling- girlfriend is 37 and single}! 

I used to strongly dislike when married women used to tell me, enjoy this single season and don't rush to get married. In my mind, I thought blah blah blah, it's easy to say when you are already married. But as I venture into my 37th year of being single, no husband in sight, with a strong desire to be a wife and mother, I can honestly say the same thing- It's more than okay to be in this season. Don’t miss the lessons and uninterrupted time to become the woman that God has called you to be. Focus your thoughts on God, pray for the grace to become a godly woman, and actually go out and live your life. Learn a new hobby, go treat yourself to a movie or dinner, take long walks, venture out and take a trip by yourself, serve a family by watching their kids while they have a date night, serve in your church, read a few books, do some personal development, learn to meditate on scripture, and practice applying the Word in your life. Don’t rush this season. You will need whatever you gain in this season, for the next. 

Remember, God wants to give us the Kingdom!  

If you find yourself struggling in this area, Please read and meditate on Luke 12:29-32, in The Message Bible version.

“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you  the very kingdom itself.”

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