Thursday, December 31, 2015

Reflection



Well hello 2016!!! This year (2015) was certainly a year of inner change for me. I'm amazed with the many things I've learned and I'm excited for the future lessons. Just when I think I have an idea of where God is taking me, He starts to move in a completely different direction.  So as I welcome 2016 with open arms, the year would not be complete if I didn't praise God for His guidance and love through the previous years. Let's take a walk down memory lane.... 

When I was in college, I went to church every once in awhile and said with words that I believed in Jesus. However, now that I look back I honestly didn't know much about Him. I went in blind and my life truly reflected that. I lived every single day in fear, attaching myself to my many different emotions-(a roller coaster ride) and feeling insecure when I didn't have someone by my side. I hung on to relationships like my life depended on it because I didn't know my worth and to whom I belong.
Even if I knew I could do better I didn't try, in fear that I wouldn't find anyone else. I struggled with pleasing people and worrying about things that are totally out of my control. I was a mess and only God knew it!! 
  
My outward appearance of being happy is something that has always been a characteristic, but a lot of the time it was used as a mask to hide the many things that I struggled with. I chose to be happy but it didn't allow me to truly work on what was wrong. If all else failed Amber laughed and smiled!!! My family probably got the brunt of the grumpy side...poor family!!:) Lets be honest you can only keep up a front for so many hours in a day! Not to mention my boyfriends--when we argued all kinds of negative words would fly out of my mouth. I'm not really sure how I kept a boyfriend when I was such a hot mess and slightly cray-cray...

God allowed some situations to happen in my life to change things around. I could only hide the ugliness that was deep in my heart for so long...Thank God that He allowed those situations to occur (even the circumstances that REALLY hurt) to help squeeze out the nasty junk that was hidden in my heart. He knew when I had nothing left, that I would turn to Him and He was there to fill me up with His love and light. There were so many nights that I cried trying to fill a void that only God can fill. I know this now and as I look back I realize that who and what I needed was always calling my name and just a few steps behind me...God grabbed me from my darkness and put me in His light! He probably said to Himself, I can no longer watch this poor girl dig a hole deeper into death- oh yes, it is that serious because the consequence of sin, will always be death!  I could not and still cannot make good choices for myself! I'm learning to pray before making decisions (big and small), so that the Holy Spirit can guide me along my journey.


Thank You, God for taking control. He loves us that much!!! #JesusTookTheWheel

I give that background because the Amber today is evolving and totally understands what it means to have faith! Praise God and give Him the glory! It is by His grace alone that when I smile today it is truly because I am full of joy and an indescribable peace that only comes from the RELATIONSHIP that I have with my Heavenly Father! He placed certain people in my life and moved me in certain directions to guide me on this journey! I'm not perfect, but I am loved, unconditionally with a perfect love that we cannot fully comprehend in this world. With this type of love comes a firm foundation that makes everything seem possible and other things not matter. I can stand strong on things that I know He has promised me because God tells me He will provide the necessities if I seek Him first (Matthew 6:33, Luke 12:31) And if I wait on Him, He will deliver in my due season (Ecclesiastes 3:1-14). These promises are not just for me, they are available to His children, those that believe. 

Will we wait on Him? Or will we continue to make decisions on our own? Forcing ourselves into a situation(s) that God is not apart of and expecting Him to bless it, blaming Him when it goes wrong. I try every day to wait on The Lord and some days are better than others, a journey-my journey. 

Please understand that waiting doesn't mean sitting on the couch and expecting God to do all the work. It's probably easier for God to do all the work, adding us to the equation usually makes it a long process. He is God--I'm certain He needs no assistance! But He wants us to learn to depend on Him, He wants a relationship with us. He desires to help us grow into the people He designed us to be. I'm waiting but that means praying, seeking God, serving, living, and enjoying the blessings and grace that He provides daily! 

Every time I mention waiting on God, I get looks like "yea okay-you do that" and "how's that 'waiting' working out for you?" God loves a good miracle and His name will always be glorified. Believing and keeping the faith is our part---loving Him and others is our part---seeking His Kingdom is our part---making disciples and spreading the good news--our part. The unthinkable, the unimaginable, the unattainable, the unbreakable, the unshakeable, the unbelievable is His part. He does this SOOOOOO well! Believe! Not in what you see, strive for what you can't see! Communicate (which also includes listening, I'm just saying), so that you can hear the plans that He has for you! Just know sometimes His plans are slightly different than ours! Surrender your will to His! 

I don't know my next chapter. I have strong desires in my heart and I know what I feel in my core. But above all else His will be done! 

#ContentWithMySeason
#ByeSatan 





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