Sunday, August 2, 2015

The Source

Photo by Me:-) At least my camera worked on this day! 
A few weeks ago I had a moment that really defined why I haven't been blogging as I normally do. I wrote a story about to hear it, here it goes! :-)

One fine Tuesday morning (not sure if it was a Tuesday but we will go with it) I got out of my bed and completed my normal routine. Well, normal kind of...Lately I've been rushing through my morning devotional and prayer time has been kind of a check box off of my to-do list. Anyway, for some reason I decided that it was a priority to update my iPhone prior to going to work. I installed the software and allowed it some time to do the updating. A few minutes later I came back to find my iPhone prompting me to connect it to iTunes. What?!?!?! I can't remember the last time I had to connect my phone to iTunes. So I checked the clock and realized that I had a few minutes to play around with my challenged phone situation...but then I got a reminder from iTunes that I needed to update to the newest version before updating my iPhone...Really?!?!?! Now, why did I decide to update my phone prior to work??? Oh yea, because I thought it would be an easy process: download, install, and roll! Nope not this fine morning.

Now although I work with technology, I sometimes find myself challenged by it and most of the time annoyed when it doesn't work. I have SO much patience with children, but other things, not so much. :-) It took everything in my bones not to throw my cell phone at the wall---the laptop wasn't too far behind it.

I tried several times to update my iTunes and FINALLY it went through! Yes, a victory! So I connected my iPhone and waited. After what seemed like 20 hours of waiting...iTunes gave me an error code that basically said "sorry about this but your phone is not going to work you may want to try to restore it and remember all those pictures and things--they are gone!"- well not really in those words, but that's what I read. Anyway, at this point I was okay with not having what was on my phone, I just wanted it to work! But again the error code said "Nope, I'm not going to be able to do it!"

I glanced at the clock and realized I was pushing it, so I grabbed my dysfunctional phone and ran out of the door...I felt lost without my little stupid phone.

As I sat through the drama of the phone I realized that this early morning upset wasn't really about the phone at all. If I'm honest with myself and I look back over the last few weeks, there has been a disconnect with me and my Source...The Source.

I started watching this show on Netflix, Parenthood--just about a few weeks ago. A great show! Very real situations that any family could relate to. I haven't been into watching a lot of TV, but this one appealed to me. Soon I found myself watching one, two, or five episodes during every small window of opportunity that was available...I can feel you judging #DontJudgeMe. Before I knew it, I was almost finished with 5 seasons of a 6 season show!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!? Where they do that at??? (country grammar!)  Have I lost my mind??? No wonder there was a disconnect in my life.

Not long ago, PP (Pre-Parenthood), a lot of my free moments were given to quiet time with my Main Squeeze. If I wasn't reading through His Word, I was listening to sermons online, giving my time to others, and lots of prayer.  Not to mention my poor blog...I promise you I have about 4 drafts and a notebook page full of ideas and every day I would make the choice to do something else. Every day I looked at my agenda and God's plan and decided to do my own thing. #WrongWayBoo

That Amber that was full of His Presence slowly found myself giving into all kinds of desires of my flesh: short tempered, a job that I enjoy so much- started to feel like actual work, negativity started to flow within and out of me, and it was a downward spiral that I didn't even realize was out of control. My spirit needed more than what I was providing...and then my phone prompted me to connect. My brand new iPhone 6 prompted me to connect to the source. Nothing in life is a coincidence!

To the outside world I might not have seemed that bad...I can hold things together. But Inside I could tell that I was way passed empty and on the side of the road. Thumbs up and trying to hitch a ride--the Netflix bus looked appealing. hehehehehe. In doing this (not spending time with God) it pushed me further from Him. Something was missing and ParentHood just wasn't doing it for me! ;-) Now don't get me wrong, I 'm not telling you that you can't watch TV. That's between you and Him. The Holy Spirit will deal with you, if you are watching something that isn't nurturing to your spirit. But please take an inventory of what you spend most of your free time doing...God should always be greater. How else do you nurture a growing relationship?? #SelfReflection. So no, it wasn't just the TV that made me feel as though I was out of God's presence, it was my lack of desire to do so. Instead I wanted to sit my butt on the couch and finish the final season of Parenthood. This is by designed though, I'm convinced that Netflix is the devil! ;)

So today I find myself with a little time off from work and I'm being intentional about spending my time in His presence. I'm getting back to the relationship that ignited my zeal and away from the feeling of just doing my routines. I go to church, I joined a small group, I read my devotional every morning, and I help with the kids during children's ministry...yes-yes-check and check! but it is MY PERSONAL relationship/time with God that sustains me. It's those moments alone in His presence that give me guidance and remind me of my purpose. It is those personal times that He expands on messages that were given to me throughout the week. It is in those times that he strengthens me, inspires me, loves on me, builds me, humbles me, counsels me, checks me, warns me, and gives me peace. Without my personal time with Him, everything is just a routine. Just say no to a check box religion (did I go to church on Sunday?Check Did I thank Jesus today? Check)

I know you are probably wondering...what happened to the phone Amber??? Tell us!!! Well, I made an appointment at the Apple store and they gave me a brand new phone...After they checked to make sure I didn't drop it in water and/or steal parts from the phone?!?!?! I must look gangsta! #WatchYouriPhones :-) I digressed...did you catch the original point, before my gangsta spill??? I got a brand new phone and of no cost to me.

Each time we try to walk away from God, He follows us. He never stops pulling for us and when we finally turn around and return to Him, He forgives. He gives us a clean slate, that cost us nothing, but Him so much more. Now--be gentle with this-- what you do when you try to turn away from God may have consequences (this is definitely another topic to expand on later) but He will always love you!!

God loves us with true unconditional love that we will never be able to duplicate or understand. When we walk away from Him, He follows behind us waiting for the perfect opportunity to get our attention and call us back! What a patient God we serve!!!

Thank you, Jesus!

Until next time....Does your phone need updating????

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