Monday, December 8, 2014

Have You No Faith?

Ever had one of those moments when you know something is not right but you weren’t really prepared for something to really be wrong? You know the moment the doctor tells you “we need to do further testing…” yup, it’s been one of those weeks. I am blessed that one symptom lead to the discovery of something that may or may not have to do with the other. I am grateful that I have a support system that is unbelievable in my time of need and I pray that God will give me the ability to pay it forward.
At this moment, I have found God in my situation. In the months leading up to this, God has been working on my heart. I’ve felt His presence and His love. I’ve been studying His word and moving forward, and sometimes backwards ;-), in my journey. He knew a test would come soon and I knew life wouldn’t always be candy drops and lollipops, so here we are! In the midst of my storm can I still hear our Father’s voice? When a storm approaches and the waves are fierce will I panic and question if Jesus is really with me? Or will I listen for His calming voice.  He hears my prayers at night and our talks throughout the day. He promised me we would “go to the other side,” (Mark 4:35-41), so now that things get a little bumpy, will I begin to doubt. No, I can’t. I have to realize that no matter what happens in my life, God is with me.   
The very first night of finding out that further testing was needed, I got on my knees and I prayed. The type of prayer where you get kind of lost in your thoughts and just cry, you know the prayer where you aren’t quite sure what you are asking for and all you want to say is “help me!” I stated my wants (He already knows them) and ended my prayer with “above all else Your will be done…”
The next day I woke up with a new spirit. In true “Amber” form I have been light hearted with my circumstance. I’ve made some jokes and even created a hashtag (my favorite thing to do-create hashtags).  I smile and say “I have the best possible situation.” No worries, because the ending has already been determined. We are the only ones that have to stay tuned to find out the results, God already knows. Worrying will not change my results. In my heart I’ve accepted whatever result and procedure that will come my way.  What else can I do? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure more tears will follow and if I stay in my head too long, the enemy will try to plant seeds of doubt. However, my spirits are high and my faith will not be broken. Jesus will see me to the other side. Now, my thoughts of the other side may not be aligned with His thoughts of the other side…nonetheless, it will be the other side ;-) I prefer His way than my own. My way gets me into all kinds of trouble but that’s another topic for another time. I say this often and yet never really come back to the topics—☺
Earlier in this post and I think a previous post, I referenced a passage, Mark 4:35-41, how ironic is it that my pastor preached on this. Please read the passage if you haven’t. For now, I will summarize it for you…☺
Basically, Jesus calls to his disciples and tells them that they are going to the other side in a boat. They get in, Jesus takes a little nap, and something like a hurricane forms (please be advised that this is my summary—and I’m not a pastor! Ha!). Everyone starts to panic and wakes Jesus up. They accuse Him of not caring. Jesus then tells the winds and waves- “peace be still” and everything stops. He then turns back to his disciples, and says CHILL OUT or more accurately “why do you fear, do you not have faith?” I think He wanted to say- I told you we were going to the other side, right? Why would you think that a little storm would stop My plans? The disciples are in shock and think—Who is this man that can stop waves and wind with just his words?
Yes, This is Who I have my faith in…
God has allowed me to feel His love not only through an unexplainable peace but through the people that He has placed in my life. I’ve never felt so much love and support from friends and family. I tear up thinking about them because it is overwhelming to realize that people really care and that my well-being is important to them. How can I ever pay back the love that I feel and the prayers that were sent out on my behalf? Blessed, just blessed. Side note: I bought a necklace today that says blessed---because I just feel it…but it was not in the budget, so I will be sure to pray on some additional funds ;-) Anyway…
I’m not guaranteed that my test results will come back in my favor just because I keep faith and pray, I don’t know God’s plan for me. I want the best, as we all do in these situations, but I’m okay with God’s will. He has a plan and a little storm won’t stop it…
God’s will be done!
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