Wednesday, November 26, 2014

No Worries!

The last few weeks my Pastor has been spending some time discussing prayer and he touched a little on anxiety and worrying. During his sermon on Sunday, he said something that stayed with me:

"Worry is a reflection of how you don't trust God..."

Such a simple statement stayed in my head as I listened to the rest of the sermon. That message inspired this topic, so let's dive into my world of worry!

I come from a family of people that worry, so it's no surprise that I naturally picked up this consuming habit. I spend a lot of time thinking about things that probably will never happen. I'm that girl that won't participate in online dating because I worry that I might meet a serial killer that will chop me up and put me in the trunk...or If I get a random phone call from a family member or close friend, my first question is "what's wrong, what happened?" Sometimes I watch my best friend's children and I randomly go up and check the girls to make sure they are still breathing...Yup, I'm that girl!

It just seems that no matter how much I try not to worry, I end up worrying more. Then I'm worrying because I'm worrying (#CrayCray). I trust God with my life, didn't I mention that in my previous post? So How can I trust him but still worry? How can I have total faith in God, but continue to worry about day to day things? I can't worry and claim that I have total faith and trust in God. I have to choose one...Worry VS Trust in God.

When I have a ton of things on my plate, I tend to not sleep. There is so much anxiety, stress, and worry that my body is unable to shut down at night. So what do I do? If I'm completely honest, I have a glass of Merlot almost every night before bed...because just one glass of red wine is healthy for the heart, right? Is that statement really true or a rumor? I pass it on all that time as if I know it's true. This is why I continue to stay on my journey, spreading an unchecked fact is probably not ok.:-) I digressed, I also try to jot down whatever is in my head before bed, to clear out some of the clutter and thoughts. I'm given some of the best ideas during my late night writing sessions.

I can't handle this world on my own. If I allow my worries from yesterday, today, and tomorrow to constantly stay in my mind they would consume me. I need something (or someone) bigger than my problems. Who ya gonna call?? NOT ghost busters...but our Heavenly Father! Now, before I go to sleep I try to give Him my problems from the day. Any negative situations, disappointments, hurt, confusion, praises, love, and victories I give them all to Him. Is this an instant fix? Do I magically not worry now because I "give" my issues to God? Nope, in fact I'm probably worrying about something now as I type this post. Baby-steps people! Change doesn't happen over night.

I often find that once I make the choice to give God my issue--I, at times, tend to take them back without even knowing it.  I guess I'm just not use to the fact that I'm not in control. My mind fully comprehends it,  but my actions lag behind. What does giving God complete control look like? Seriously, tell me because I struggle with this, daily. Sometimes I feel as though I'm giving God control but then I'm called to action to "do" something or so I assume I was called to action. I really just end up making things slightly worse than they were before I decided to take things back from God. All because I thought I heard Him say something; my head, a dangerous place to visit!  The Christian walk is easy, said no one ever! If you think believing in the Gospel will guarantee you an easy life that is worry free, please think again! However find comfort in knowing that it does guarantee a life beyond this one and for that I am forever grateful.

I've learned throughout the last few months that if I'm not at peace, it's an indicator for me to examine what is happening in my life and make changes where needed. Sometimes I don't know where to make the changes, so I just pray and ask God to guide me. Most of the time I know that means I'm doing too much: Be still and know that I am God- Psalms 46:10. One of my favorite scriptures to say to myself when I feel anxiety or worry.

God always has the greater good in mind but I also have to remember that the "greater good" isn't always my preferred outcome. Life is pretty complicated, right? I guess this is why I try my best to stay in tuned with the Great "I AM." This doesn't mean that I do everything right or always make the best choices. In fact I'm pretty sure that I often make the opposite choice of what God wants me to do. Lord knows that I will never be perfect and that isn't even a goal-it is impossible. But praise God that He is perfect and that He loves us unconditionally, flaws and all.

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