Tuesday, July 22, 2014

"For real For real"

Over the weekend I attended a singles' conference. If I had to use one word to describe it, it would simply be--amazing. However, as I reflect back on the sessions, testimonies, and the spirit that was truly present during the conference, it's now starting to make me feel a little nervous.

As I sat in the conference, I had so many things running through my head. It felt like a renewed confirmation that I am doing the right thing. In that type of environment it is so easy to flourish  and feel comfortable. It's so easy to feel full of a renewed light and positive energy. However, it was a different situation once I left the comforts of my church and sat within my own four walls.

Throughout the conference there was a theme of sexual purity (not having sex until marriage). It is such an outstanding lifestyle and my hat goes off to those that have walked and/or are walking that path. I support that concept and want that for myself...I even bought a T-shirt that says "I am worth the wait!" To my core I believe that...but fear and doubt also set in as I know that this is a narrow path for a reason.

Can I be "for real for real" with my journey? I'm already accustomed to so many things that are considered sin. Can I remove those things from my life, little by little, so that I can truly be better than yesterday? Yes, it is a process, but how long can I allow myself to step back into sin before it becomes me taking advantage of the grace that God gives us? How many times will I get to press the restart button? Will at some point God say "Yup, I told you that one too many times." HE knows the intent of my heart and it is to be better, but am I only willing to budge on those things that I feel comfortable doing? Can I fully do this? If this is a true documentation of my journey then I have to be honest and say that I'm not sure, I know that I want to... God knows my heart, he created me. HE even knew that at this exact moment in my life, I would be questioning my ability to handle what comes with this journey. I pray he gives me the strength to do as my heart desires.

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